It wasn't long before I found myself in Lavi's arms. It felt comfy... He held me for a long time. We walked back to my room.

"Allen. Sorry. I shouldn't have did that...." He turned away from me and let me go. I looked at him and blushed.

"Wh-What?" I said. My voice became shakey but I held myself. Lavi looked at the door.

"Its against the Bookman rules.....to be in love with outsiders...I can't be attached to anyone. I'm nothing but an observer..." My heart was crushed. I couldn't reply in any way. He looked at me and his face seemed so sad. "I'm sorry. We can't...be together..."

"B-But can't you just...bend the rules?" Lavi shook his head. My heart pounded loudly. "Wait.....So I'm just an outsider to you? You.....don't care about me or something??" My eyes welded up with tears. I felt myself shaking. My palms were sweaty and I frowned at him.

Lavi shook his head. "I'm sorry Allen. If..If I knew you'd be this way...or love me at all, I wouldn't have came here. I feel horrible enough as it is!!"

"Damn you Lavi! I love you okay?? What more....what more do you want me to do?"

"Allen you're getting a little out of hand! Please just listen to me on this. I'm sorry okay?" My anger was absolute. I couldn't take it. I was crushed and sad. Lavi kissed me and hugged me, but that was a lie right?

"Why won't you...love me..?" I felt nervous but selfish. But since I was angry, I let it cloud my mind with untrue thoughts and things I'd never say. "Just....let it slide this time. You can do that right? You're...so important to me..." I walked over to him and grabbed his shirt then let my head lean on his chest. It seemed as if he only looked at me with pity.
His hand reached my head. He began to pet it slowly.

"Sorry...I never meant to hurt you in any way..." I let go of him and pushed myself away. I then frowned and walked right past him. I left out of the room and walked faster to somewhere where I could rest and think a while. Tim was following me like always and stayed next to me.

--------
It was quiet like always inside the library. I felt myself huddled up on a comfy chair next to the bookshelves. Beneath my head was a wet spot from my tears. I felt horrible and crushed by what had happened. It was going on 7 when I finally decided to get up and go back to my room. It took a while for me to actually move, but i had little will power.

Timcanpy rested upon my shoulder as I slowly dragged myself to my room. I sighed periodically and rolled my shoulders from fatigue. I was a complete wreck.

"Allen!" I looked behind me and stared blankly at Lavi. He was panting and holding his knees from running. He seemed even more tired than I was depressed. "I finally found you!" He smiled weakly and caught in some breath. I watched him and sighed.

"What is it?"

"You don't sound too well neh?"

"I'm.....alright....once I get sleep."

Lavi shook his head. He stood up straight and sighed deeply. "Alright. I know i hurt you and I know that you're really sad about..well you know what i'm talking about. But I'm really sure this time you'll like what i'm about to say!" He crossed his arms and gave off a cheery aura. I turned to him. Tim crawled up onto my head and sat there. Lavi stretched his arms and looked at me sincerely. "I...talked to Bookman. He...was a little angered by this whole situation." I frowned. "I guess the old man heard enough when i mentioned it. I told him that..." Lavi blushed and walked towards me. My heart began to beat loudly.

It wasn't long before that I was cornered. Lavi held both my hands and smiled. "I told him I loved you. I know..you probably would be mad at me for just now saying it but..."

"You bastard! you're damn right I'm mad! Why tell me now??" I screamed at him. He looked at me like he expected that.

"I said sorry right? Besides, Bookman excused me from it. I guess he believed me as hopeless...I don't think i'll...really become the next Bookman after all." He looked away from me and laughed. "Oh well. I have you right?" I blushed and turned from him. I pinched his cheeks in anger and ranted on and on about how lonely I was and how angry he made me all that time. I over exaggerated on some points but i calmed down. I had tears in my eyes again. Lavi stood in the same spot still smiling like always. This one moment I hated that smile. It seemed like he didn't care but i guess I deserved it. I was being very selfish...

"I'm sorry Lavi...Forgive me and....my nagging. I'm just confused.." I held my head in frustration and anger but also in relief. I walked into his arms yet again. Lavi hugged me gently and stroked my head. He laughed and hugged me for a long time. This time I made the move first. I looked up at him and kissed him on the lips ever so sweetly.
It lasted a long while...but before long, Lavi joined in his part.

End~

I woke up to a slap on my face. I opened my eyes slowly, shielding the light so it didn't enter my vision too fast. Once my eyes were fully open, i could see Timcampy standing over my head with its small round body. It flew up in the air and flapped its wings impatiently, watching me raise from the bed.

"Tim, good evening...." I yawned and stretched. Timcampy flew over to my shoulder and rested itself. I for one thought it was cute how a golemn would act as though it was real...though Tim was only a machine. I walked out of the room, still in pajamas. I looked around. It was already 6 pm. I sighed deeply in aggravation that I slept so long. I walked around for a while and came across something i knew would happen.

It wasn't just around the corner that was easy to see. I saw Lavi and Kanda fighting each other with words, not weapons, thankfully. They were bickering and Lavi had blood on his forehead. My eyes widened with despair. I hear my name from time to time so i had a feeling it was about earlier. Miranda was in the background tying to calm them down. Lenalee was also in the mix. She yelled at them both, not taking sides.

"Would you just grow up? Leave Allen the hell alone!"

"Its not any of your business!"

"No no! It IS my business!"

"Both of you stop it!!" I couldn't take the arguing. All this happening in a day. They were ALL being childish fighting over some thing this petty.

"STOP IT!" I screamed. Lavi and Kanda turned to me. Lenalee and Miranda gave off relief sighs and quieted down. "All of you quit arguing! This is nonsense! If you're fighting over earlier, then stop. There's no need to get angry over that anymore!"

"Shut the hell up Bean Sprout! Its none of your concern, yet!" Kanda yelled at me. I was about to say something but stopped my self. Instead I came with a less demeaning approach.

"My name...is Allen. Now, if you guys are gonna sit here and argue...I don't want to have anything to do with any of you..." All eyes were on me this time. I felt a little out of place yelling like this. I felt a cold gaze on me, and looked up to see Kanda. He was a little ways next to Lavi but still closer than he was a couple seconds ago.

"Is that so, BEANSPROUT?" he said crossing his arms. I winced and forced myself to stay quiet. Kanda smirked but passed me by. I was shivering and I felt cold. Timcanpy landed softly on my head for reassurance that everything was alright and most of the tension left with Kanda. Lavi punched the wall. He growled.

Miranda patted my shoulder. She smiled and I smiled back. She then left with Lenalee tagging along, whom also gave me a happy wave and a smile. I blushed slightly when I realized Lavi was the only one left.

"You alright, Lavi?" I asked. He seemed so concerned for me. My face flushed even more when he looked at me in the eye. He looked so down.

"Sorry, Allen. I didn't mean to get it into a big scene. I was just..." I smiled at him. I gave him the best hug I could. Tim flew off my head and circled us. A perfect romantic moment...'If only he loved me...it would be perfect...' I thought. I felt his arms wrap around me. It was so comforting and very nice. I couldn't help but give out a small gasp of surprise. My head was buried in his chest. I heard a heartbeat clear and loud. I heard Lavi mutter something. This was just like in the restroom.

I felt my head being pulled up. Lavi came closer and kissed me on the lips.

to be continued

I backed up slowly and found myself in a corner. How cliche. Kanda walked up to me and cornered me. I had no escape. I saw his eyes avert to mine. His smirk was still on his face. I felt mocked almost but then again frightened for the first time I've met Kanda.

"Why the red face? You never have it that way around me..." His voice sounded lustful. I felt myself shivering. My mouth was dry and I couldn't say anything. He put his hand on my cheek, caressing it. "Its cute really..." My eyes widened and I looked at him with fear.

"K-Kand---" I was cut off by a kiss. Kanda held me down for a long time, forcing his tongue inside my mouth. I struggled for freedom, but I liked the feeling. I felt him breath on me still with our lips locked. Kanda broke apart and licked his lips. I coughed and looked down at the floor. It was dark, a carpet covered in our shadow. I wanted Lavi to save me. I couldn't depend on him though, I had to get out of there.

"You taste good. I like the taste of Bean Sprout to tell you the truth." He leaned in again about to kiss me but I punched him across the face. Kanda didn't move but he let go. I ran out of the room leaving him there. I wiped my mouth in aggravation and shock. My body hit the wall and I coughed harshly. I looked back and saw him rubbing his cheek. He glared at me. I didn't care. He had no right to kiss me like that.

I was suppose to get ready for the mission. My thoughts on being late panged in my head with Komui complaining like mad about me being too slow. An arm grabbed me and took me back. I looked behind me to see Lavi in desperate state. He was breathing hard and sweating.

"What happened to you?" He was worried about me. I felt safer. My heart began beating fast again.

"I....K-Kanda, he..." I didn't know what to say to him. Embarrassed, I covered my face.

"Kanda what the hell did you do to Allen?"

"Its none of your business. Let him go."

"No way. He's shivering! what did you do to him?" I heard the bicker and argue. Kanda threatened to pull out his mugen. Lavi didn't let it get to him and kept asking the question. I covered my ears so I couldn't hear any more of it. Their shouts were louder and passed through my ear drums. I couldn't take anymore of this stupidity.

"SHUT UP!" Silence. I looked up and saw Kanda glaring still, but at Lavi. Lavi was frowning. He looked down at me and tried to smile.

"I'm sorry Allen. I'm...come on." He took me away and Kanda was left behind to give off his death glare to any and everyone. I looked at him, he was glaring. I shook sheepishly in thought that something may happen, and i knew Kanda wasn't afraid to kill someone. We ended up going into the men's room. Luckily no one was in there. Lavi let me go but stood behind me to make sure I didn't fall. "You okay...?"

I nodded anyways, not thinking why I was in the first place. "Kanda...kissed me...." Lavi didn't reply verbally but his eye was wide. I looked at him. I must've looked ghostly from what he saw. Lavi rushed to me and gave me a giant hug. I blushed and hugged him back. My mind oblivious to anything besides us. It felt so warm. "Lavi..." I kept repeating his name. He stroked my hair. I was seriously out of it though. I couldn't feel the tiny kisses he planted on my head.

"Its alright Allen...I'll make sure he doesn't do that again..." I heard those words. I felt safe again. My flushed face was buried in his shirt. I heard his heart beating. A rhythm not too fast or too slow, like a love song.

"I...love you, Lavi...I hope you don't...mind."

"I don't...Why don't you stay here? Kanda had to go on our mission so...stay here and ret. You need it."

"I want to be with you..."

"You'll be fine if you sleep."

"Okay." Not too long after, Lavi helped me back into my room. Kanda wasn't anywhere to be seen. I had the feeling of regret filling my body. Lavi patted my head then left and closed my door. I began to feel lonely, but sick as well. My head pounded in pain and laid down. "Don't be long...you idiot." I closed my eyes and attempted to sleep.

It wasn't too long before I awoke and found myself in a different bed. It wasn't as comfortable as mine, in my opinion. I sat up and felt my head, it wasn't too hot or cold, just normal. 'What happened...?' I thought. I looked around. Nothing really familiar at all.

"'Bout time you're up!" I heard Lavi say in front of the door to my side. I looked at him and hid a blush.

"L-Lavi...! What..."

"You blacked out earlier. I thought you were either sick or dead! Gave me a scare there, Buddy." I looked at him then the blanket that covered me. It was too hot already for this. I jumped out of bed in a hurry to leave out the room. It felt so wrong being here, like I didn't belong. "Where ya goin', Bean Sprout?"

"My name is Allen!" It was irritating to hear that over and over. Lavi laughed at me. He stood up straight and opened the door.

"We have a mission soon. We'll be going with Miranda, if thats alright with you?" He smirked as always and I nodded. I turned just before my face became red. He poked my shoulder until I looked at him, noticing the small pink marks on my cheek. His left eye widened. "Allen, are you blushing?" I shook my head and stepped back.

"No! I'm just tired...I feel kinda sick, but i'm fine!"

"You weren't pink in the face when you got up..."

I stopped myself from saying anymore. He got me, dead on. I blushed even more but didn't turn since I wasn't thinking. I felt Lavi's eye on me.

"You're all red. Funny! A red bean sprout!"

"ALLEN!" My voice was high, almost a squeak. I covered my mouth and stared at the floor. Lavi laughed again. I was flustered and angered that he had me in the palm of his hands. "Dammit..." I swore under my breath. Then I heard the words I never wanted to hear until i was ready to answer.

"You like me, Allen?" Lavi asked and tried to stare directly into my face. I was already redder than a tomatoe and I felt myself shaking my head. Lavi didn't really say much but asked again. "Well? Do you?" I began to sweat. I couldn't find my voice to speak. 'Just say yes! Don't keep the guy waiting!' My thoughts were running through so much I began to feel dizzy again, but Lavi was ready.

My back was up against the wall behind me. It was cold. I felt warm hands pressing against my shoulders and I saw Lavi with his eye patch over his right eye. He stared at me and kept my up.

"Don't you black out again..." his voice was stern. I felt his breath brush onto my neck. He was getting closer. I couldn't see much nor hear anything besides Lavi asking me the same question. "Allen! Hey wake up!"

"Yes..." I whispered. My head drooped onto his shoulder. Him pressuring me got to my head and made me black out almost. Lavi didn't say anything but kept his hands against my shoulders still. He gave out a long sigh, almost a disappointed one.

"I see... Well, I guess thats okay..." My heart beated so fast. I wanted him to say 'I had the same feelings' but of course it wasn't was I wanted. "Hey wake up! You just confessed, and now you're gonna ignore?"

"NO!" My head shot up and hit Lavi's chin. He fell back and rubbed his chin, causing him to let go of me. I felt weird saying that. 'Oh damn...this isn't good...' "S-Sorry. I was..."

"Don't apologize." He smiled and patted my head. Another blush rushed into my face again. I got irritated with all the redness, it was too embarrassing. "Well, I guess I don't know what it feels like. Go get dressed though, we better hurry." I hated the fact he changed the subject.

"Ok..." I left out of the room and began to ran to mine. Lavi called out but i couldn't hear what he was saying. To confess...why did it hurt so much? I was solemly confused on why it hurt to get out what I've been wanting to say ever since...ever since when? Why do I love him so much? When did these feelings come up? There was no answer back. My hand pushed my door open. My room was as I left it. 'Peace...'

to be continued...

I don't understand whats wrong with me. My palms sweat and my fingers twitch when I see him He's always so beautiful to me. It can't be helped. I feel sweat beginning to form on my forehead and I tremble. His voice...oh so sweet to my ears. But it feels wrong. Very wrong. I've been trying to hide my feelings about Lavi. But I can't help but blush when I see him. I took a deep breath and walked out of my room. The day had just begun.

"Morning Allen!"

"Hi Allen!"

"Good morning Sir Walker." I hear fellow exorcists say as I pass them and their Finders. I wave back and smile so they'll smile and wave back. Some would start a conversation, or they would just pass on. I felt my stomach growl after seeing someone pass with a plate of eggs and grits. I began to drool. 'So hungry...' my thoughts about all the food i could eat eased into my mind. It took a while before I found the cafeteria. A large room for exorcists and finders to eat, of course. I stretched and walked over to the ordering window. Jerry, the cook, popped his head out from behind the window.

"Oh, Good Morning, Allen! The usual today?" he asked and smiled. He always seemed so happy. I felt myself smiling back.

"Yes please! And can you throw in some chicken too? I'm...craving that at the moment."

"Why, certainly! I'll call you when its all done! Mitarashi dango, too, right?"

"Of course! 40 of them please!" Jerry left and shouted out my order,a long list of food. I turned to find a seat to sit at. There was always the group of my friends at the same table, it wasn't hard to find. There I saw Arystar, Lenalee, Kanda, and Bak-chan. They were discussing something that made Kanda a bit angry. It was scary to see him throw a tantrum sometimes.

They saw me walk on over and all said their hello's, besides Kanda. I returned the hellos. I noticed Lavi wasn't there and relaxed a bit. I didn't want to get all heated up before eating. But it was not my decision whether Lavi came or not. I heard his voice and jumped before sitting.

"HEY! You guys are starting with out me?" he called then sat down on the opposite side of me. "How nice of you guys to eat breakfast with out THE Lav-tastic one!" I blushed and covered my face. I turned then turned back to every one and smiled at him.

"Good morning Lavi." I said and sat down. Lavi said the same right back at me. Lenalee took a bite out of her chow mein and raised a finger.

"Kanda and I have an early mission. Along with Arystar too. Bak-chan just came to tell us that we needed to get up early."She sounded very sweet. It pained me that I felt a little something for her too, but Lavi was my obsession.

"If you want anything to do, go ask Komui." Bak-chan said. He stood and waved good bye. Arystar did the same.

"I better get ready myself. I'll wait for you kids." He didn't smile but patted Lenalee on the head. She finished the last of her food after a couple minutes once the other two left. During that time I waited for my order, stealing glances of Lavi every now and then. I felt so awkward that my heart pounding loudly. I finally snapped out of my trance once I heard Jerry call my name.

"Allen! Your food!" From what i know, Jerry called me for about five times. I looked up and stood.

"Oh yeah! sorry..."

"Damn Bean sprout..." I heard Kanda say. I felt my fingers clenching into a fist. 'Say that again...' I thought angrily to myself. I walked over to the window. The food was being piled onto a cart to be rolled to the table. I pushed it over and said my thanks. My stomach grumbled and rumbled. I felt kind of sick just staring at the food. I couldn't see where I was going. I felt someone pulling the food from me. I looked over to the side to see Lavi helping out.

"You seem so small just rolling it by yourself, Bean Sprout!" Lavi said happily. He seemed like a rabbit.

"My name is Allen!" I retorted angrily. I let go so he could do all the work as revenge. I stopped myself to watch him. I felt my chest. It felt as if my heart was ready to burst. I blushed again and swayed. My head felt light as air. "Lavi..." I said aloud with out thinking. I forgot to stand. I felt my body crashing onto the floor like dead weight. I blacked out.

to be continued

I guess you can say I try to make the better of it or think it over as much as I can to find out the real problem behind my bad day.

I'm back on live journal. Been a while ;w; I'm hoping I'll be abe to actually see more awesome journals that include doujinshi and people and stuff =u=;;; I'm really bored but clingy too ;3; It hurts at times. I just wanna say happy birthday to us. To me and Macharite. Its funny our birthday's are on the same day ;w; Its scary too but then again awesome. We're completely one year apart. Scary but awesome. I'm turning 16 and she is turning 15.

I love you to death Macharite, Oneesan ;w; I love ya both. I'm clingy so forgive me on the mushy words =u=;;; You two are meh awesome best friends.

Also...I need you guy's opinion. I consider Niki (from DA) A best online friend ;w; s that bad?? I'm retty sure it may be since you guys dun know her well ;w; But either way...I consider her that. And once we meet, she will officially be a best friend indeed. I hope to see her next year and see Macharite, my Chibi-chan soon too. I hope college isn't too hard.

I guess I could make some stories and talk about my real life on here. I just drown myself in things to do though ;3; It hurts that i never have time. But I'll try motivating myself to do other stuff and all ;w; Such as a DGM yaoi too =w=;; I'll try first person though as Allen ;w; I think it'll be easier. I hope you guys will read it. I only do these things so others like you guys will read'em. ;w;

I wish to stay on longer but school calls. I really want to do something with myself. I really don't know what i want to do. I sound cofused eh? Well yeah I hope to log back on here soon today again ;w;

 Hi. I be Xiaine. I like this website!^^ its nice~ Ah ha. nothing but journals. I guess you can say I need a site like this. this is so cool!XD Well i hope to make lots of friends that'll read my journals!>w<
 Wellers......I dun know what to say.....o.o Warnings I guess. About my journals later on....:
I'll be ranting
I'll probably complaining about life
Telling you all about good and bad things I've been through
Maybe ask for advice and such.
Yeah, that type of stuff. It'll be a slow ride for me....=w= But I'm glad either way. Thank you for readin~ thank you One-san for showing me this site and good bye for now everyone~*bows and leaves*